"Shh...dont tell dad"

Something I feel I've said a lot over the years to my mother, brothers, and myself. I don't want my dad to see this post, at least not anytime soon. I also don't want to ever use that phrase again. I love him so very much and miss his encouragement everyday! I don't want him to see this because I dont want him to feel obligated to call or talk to me at this point in our lives. I messed up and disappointed him, again. I know I've said I'll never use again,  only to relapse, and let my father down, again. I know my words don't mean much now. I am a product of my parents, who have tried to get me on the right path many times. Its my turn now to take a stand and show him what I can be. Who I really am! The strong daughter that takes after her father with determination. This is our journey and its a roller coaster the highs give you butterflies and the lows feel like death. Life is full of ups and downs but at least I'm deciding to get off the merry-go-round, the never ending cycle of addiction, and surrender to this fight.  One day he will be proud, one day we'll understand why all the ups and downs are in our lives. Until then this is our journey and I am trusting myself to work through this process and become his daughter, strong, loved, and loyal just like him!